Empowering Girls and Women as Mothers

Greetings Avuxeni!

Today I am writing to you about something a bit different. I try and make my letters uplifting, impactual and exiting. Which is a good thing to do but I also want you to understand the context in which we work. I have given statistics in the past about poverty, crime, HIV etc, today I am not going to do that. Today I want to talk about some very real attitudes which every day we have to battle and push through.

These attitudes affect our work, the way we work, how we work, the impact we have, the outcomes we try and achieve and part of what we are addressing through the work we do. I want to speak about a cultural matter which is so debilitating to the individual, to the families, the communities and the nation as a whole.

I remember reading a socio-cultural research book a few years ago which spoke about luck. According to this in depth analysis of the South African psyche, there is the belief that a majority of people hold is that everyone is born with 100% luck. Any advancement in life is considered “Luck”. So what?

Well, consider a child who studies hard at school, matriculates, goes to university, gets a well-paying job, a partner, a home, a car, all the usual achievements associated with working hard, self-discipline, personal conviction, wise administration of finances etc.

According to the cultural perspective the effort expended is not considered at all, what is however considered is that you have STOLEN my “Luck” I had a 100% but every time you got something I didn’t it was because you STOLE my good luck!! This practice does not acknowledge the hard work, the determination, the dedication required to achieve success.

It doesn’t stop there, because you have stolen from me, I have a right to go to the witch doctor and have a curse put on you! Not just a curse, if I feel I have been robbed from so significantly, I can have you poisoned or killed. Physical harm is one of many outcomes but it will also include gossip and slander, trying to undermine for example the relationship between the couple through spreading lies about infidelities. I have also known Molotov cocktails to be thrown into homes because of jealousy.

This attitude infects the rural areas where we live and work. People cannot celebrate their achievements; it is difficult for people to share what they have attained because of fear of the reactions from others. To give you an example, our kids when they go on to university or work, often don’t keep in touch, so we can celebrate their success, but instead they are secretive and have to keep quiet about what they have achieved. It is so sad to see people having to move away from their villages to be safely successful.

Another example is Netaly, whom you have met before, who is passionate about helping others, she has been working as a volunteer with Nali Bali an early reading NGO we have partnered with, but also as a beneficiary with the Self Help Group (SHG) program. Netaly has supported other groups in their book keeping skills as a volunteer just because that is the sort of person she is, helpful and wanting to see others advance.

I am proud to share that we brought Netaly formally on to the Children’s Program in the afternoons and in the mornings she will continue helping with the SHG Program. I asked Elizabeth (Program Manager) if we should go to her old SHG group and formally introduce her back as a Field Officer, this comment was met with an immediate “NO”, the reason being, the loss of “Luck” the others will experience.

It is so sad. I know every culture has something similar ie in Australia and New Zealand it is the Tall Poppy Syndrome, is a term that refers to successful people being criticised. This occurs when their peers believe they are too successful, or are bragging about their success. Intense scrutiny and criticism of such a person is termed as "Cutting down the tall poppy". "Cutting down the tall poppy" is sometimes used by business entrepreneurs to describe those who deliberately criticise other people for their success and achievements.

In Japan, a similar common expression is "the nail that sticks up gets hammered down". In the Netherlands, this expression is "don't put your head above ground level" . In Chile, this expression is known as "chaquetear" ('pull the jacket'). In Scandinavia, this expression is known as Law of Jante, it contains rules and stipulations such as "you're not to think you are anything special" and "Perhaps you don't think we know a few things about you?".

We want to see people’s achievements celebrated, and to change slowly bit by bit this attitude.

I would like you to celebrate with Netaly the fact that she has earned her first full time employment with KTD196. Made possible through support of people like yourself. Together we are changing lives, families and communities.

Thank you for always having our backs and for being part of the solution.

Blessings

Louise

Ps if you would like to leave Netaly a message of encouragement, please go to our website and leave a message.

My name is Netaly, I am 38 years old. I have a two children, my son is 20yrs old and at University, my daughter is 5yrs old. I live with my mum in Myakayaka a very poor village. We don't have running water, electricity, we have a pit toilet. We survive on my youngest child's Child Support Grant of R500 a month ($27USD). My mother is too young for the pension yet. We some times have piece jobs where we do farming work to earn more money, but that is seasonal and not lasting.


I am involved in Nali Bali on Mondays and Thursdays with reading groups. And then on Tuesdays and Wednesdays I go to SHG groups. Nali Bali is a reading project to help get kids involved in reading and to learn to love reading to help them at school. SHG is for me! To help me. SHG opened the door to Nali Bali, I was recommended through KTD196 to Nali Bali to work with the children, I love it. I participate in both projects because I love it. I love to help people. I love to work and I love to help people. I love helping anybody’s.

SHG, I love it better today because it changed my life in this manner. I didn’t know how to plan my things, I didn’t know how to budget, I didn’t know how to plan, it made a big difference to me and my family, it just opened my mind and it helps me emotionally. I can feel that no no no sometimes people have been through the same problems as me, so I learn the best ways to help myself in situations when I thought there was no answer. So it helps me so much and with the SHG everybody’s starting to run a business and myself, I am selling eggs and yes, I am SUCCEEDING!

I am having a dream now thanks to KTD196. I like to volunteer. I want to help others; I feel so good about my life now.

Thank you for helping KTD196 help me!

Netaly

Links:

• Why not visit our website? Leave a message for Netaly!
• Facebook is a great way to stay in touch, dont forget to like us

WOW, you are just so faithful, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you as a person. You have blown me away. You have captured the hearts of our children with your concern and care. You have thought about our kids, you have seen us and noticed us and shared our concern for these amazing children.

Did you know you are building generations to come! We are producing real change in the lives of children and families.

Last week I shared about the importance of team work, between organizations and at a practical level within the Children’s Program. There is also synergy between the Self Help Groups (SHG) and the Children’s Program.

Currently, we are training parents in the SHG’s regarding Journey of Life, a wonderful training which assists parents to identify the road blocks from their past that prevented them from being happy, achieving, and whole individuals. Then translating that on to their children’s lives to remember how it felt to be a child and how often they felt powerless and afraid. Many times parents identify they are actually the problem in their children’s lives.

After that emotional and healing training, we are training the parents on child participation within the family and the role parents play as duty bearers to hear their children’s voices according to Article 12 of Children’s Rights Convention.

The parents are so impressed with the training that when we ask for 20participants on Monday, we had 30 come, Tuesday there were 34 and Wednesday (today) 35 participants arrived. Although we have a donor and budget for 20, obviously 35 participants is 75% more than we had budgeted for, so your support has helped directly with this and future trainings.

The extra people who came to the training are excited about the SHG program and requesting that we start another group, which of course we can. The synergy between the two programs is fabulous.

Parents from the SHG groups where they are not participating in the Children’s Program are requesting their children participate in the Scouts Program, and they are willing to volunteer and be trained in the process. The parents who are part of the Children’s Program and not yet part of SHG are becoming so excited about the changes they see in the women and families that have already benefited from SHG. Many of the ladies have been sharing how they are starting new businesses and are adding an extra room to their homes and paying cash for the materials.

The future is looking so much brighter than before because of your support.

Currently, people are focussed upon their families’ development, however we will steer them towards community development as time goes by.

We have one Cluster Level Association (CLA) which is a combination of 10 SHG’s, which is working on the provision of piped water to their village in Burgersdorp. Often people have to buy, at an extortionist rate, water from a tanker, or the boreholes have seized, or piped water comes once a week to the community because of lack of maintained infrastructure. Using their Human Rights, the CLA are demanding better services and having a voice a local and district municipal levels.

You are wonderful and for you to think so highly of what we do, it is priceless. Thank you is such an inadequate word to convey my heart and my sincerity. I am humbled by your care and compassion. Your support and concern for the uplifting of these young lives, of bringing real change, is expanding in such a real and tangible way. Together we are transforming lives, communities and social systems in a very real way.

Its all so exciting.

Thank you

Louise

Links:

• Why not visit our website? You are welcome to leave a message!
• Facebook is a great way to stay in touch, dont forget to like us
• Interview with Louise on Edge of Adventure