Foster Growth and Healing for 200 Cambodian Youth

This is the last day for Dove-Yesic Leadership Club of 2023. So far, we have had so many great times together and have learned so many wonderful things from each of the club’s lessons: games, meetings, small groups, sharing our stories, mission projects, and retreats. Today we had our last chance to come together to share what we had experienced in life together for the whole year. No one lacked something to say. All of them just wanted to express their feelings and love to one another. It was an encouraging and meaningful time where we could reflect and recall those beautiful and meaningful moments. We could see the transformation when we heard them share their reflections on how life was before club and how it was after joining our Leadership club. Now they have committed themselves to keep going on with what experienced from the club. At the outset, it seemed very difficult to work and walk together with students who came from different schools and settings that have various perspectives, neighborhood and family norms and cultures (shy, silent, and rude). Further into the process things improved after the students had studied our first block of topics, especially lessons where they were asked to share their own life story, and hearing how their peers also struggled with the same issues. They were grateful that our club focused on issues related to what they struggle with daily, and that they had the chance and privilege to exchange their experiences in relation to their stories and issues that they confronted. Now let's hear a testimony from our clubmate:

Now let's hear a testimony from our clubmate, Ten.

Ten[1]’S Short Life Story

My name Ten, and I am 18 years old, and I grew up in a Christian family in Mondulkiri Province, which borders Vietnam in the north. I have 4 brothers and sisters and I am in the middle. I have two young brothers who are still in Mondulkiri going to school, and a married older sister. My mother is a social worker and my dad recently passed away, which has not been easy my family. I moved to Phnom Penh when I was 11 years old to get a better education. I have been staying in a dorm since my arrival with teens from various provinces. When I first came to the city, I was afraid, being that I didn’t have my mother to look after me. The dorm I live in is not far from DOVE’s YESIC Language Center. I came to hear of DOVE and YESIC in 2018 when I was passing by on my way to the dorm. My sister then told me to go study there. It was a good idea to improve my English and I was excited when I first started attending. I have made a good number of friends at DOVE who have accepted me for who I am and that is comforting. It’s not easy living in a culture of shame that dictates who and what you are supposed to be. I am different as I am gay student and I love to dance, and I would like to become a model and a social change influencer. I am also indigenous (ethnic minority), and most old school Cambodians discriminate against both gay and indigenous people. Many Cambodians think ethnic minorities are dull and not intelligent, but that is not true, and I would like to be an example that breaks these stereo types and generalizations. There are so many issues I would like to focus on in the future like self-worth, and especially graduating high school as I am in my last year. Besides English at YESIC, I have joined DOVE’s clubs such as Leadership Club and Ala-Teen at YEISC. These clubs have helped me in different aspects of my life. Leadership Club has helped me to stand up for myself, accept who I am and not stand for discrimination but to always stand by what is right. In my dorm, I also encourage some of the students to be themselves and to always feel free to be who they are and love themselves no matter what. Because I am persecuted for being both ethnic and gay, I know what the pain is like daily. I also have curly hair and I love it so much now as it is now in vogue, but before a Cambodian with curly hair was ridiculed, and seen as ugly.

Ala-Teen has helped give me a safe space and community where I can express my inner struggles and I am encouraged and receive healing through the discussions and other people’s stories. I never understood the power of healing in listening to other people’s stories. I am very thankful on some days, despite how hard it gets living in a society where shame is the tool of choice, making our culture toxic. A toxic society gives me limitations, but I have a place where I can be myself. I am studying to better myself, and I am still working on my confidence but it’s a work in progress. My mother, who, as a social worker, has a broad understanding about cultural issues, such the society plight of ethnic minorities and the LGBTQ community. She works to promote women’s rights in many different communities and now she understands who I am, and she encourages me to be myself even though she wants me to marry a girl in future which of course is the norm with our own ethnic culture. My sister is not supportive and does not understand who I am, and how I became who I am. She is always questioning me, but I hope that she will come to understand and accept me and not try to fix me.

I used to get bullied when I was a kid, as our culture sees through black and white lenses. If you cross the line, you are wrong, then discriminated against, and marginalized. People have discriminated against me since an early age, and that discrimination did affect me negatively. I am shy and quiet when I enter a new environment, but I begin to talk and become chatty when I get used to people. Having had to go through what I did at young age, has negatively affected me, but I decided not to let that negative shaping become my future and so I joined at DOVE’s growth groups which have been helping me to heal and deal with my hurt and pain in healthy ways. I have a great supportive community there.

Because of my experience of being hated and discriminated against, I would like to use my voice in the future to bring change to the Cambodian community, to help people learn more about the world and the LGBTQ community’s situation. I would describe myself as a happy person, I love to have fun, I love to be loud and sing. I enjoy modeling. I am happy and I would love to continue to be that way. I want to travel, and I hope to find my peace in this world and live a good life. I would like for everyone to learn about themselves as I did, not to focus and lament the negative, but rather work through negative shaping to find a measure of peace.

[1]Name has been changed for privacy