Parenting skills for 30 orphanage-leavers

In our last report we explained about the work we have been doing in Lensovietsky, a disadvantaged and far-flung suburb of St Petersburg, where a lot of orphanage-leavers are housed.  We showed how our Theraplay sessions help parents to play with their young children.  Another vital part of our meetings both in Lensovietsky and at our main centre are the children's sessions.  While the parents go next door for a group therapy session, the children have the chance to play with each other.

This isn't straightforward for any of the children.  Dima particularly struggled with being separated from his mama.  He would be completely inconsolable whenever she left the room, even just to pop out for a very short time to get a glass of water for example.  He would shout and cry, but he wouldn't let any other adults close to him to console him.  Dima is the middle child of three, and his mama is raising them on her own.  His behaviour is linked to his experiences at home, where he has seen various men being violent towards his mama.  He really was terrified to let her out of his sight.

It was essential to reduce Dima's anxiety and to help him connect with the other children in the group.  First we had to work with his mama.  She found it very hard to cope with his hysterics and would frequently come back to the room.  Her coming and going actually made it more difficult for Dima to part from her.  When his mama was calmer, it was easier for us to help Dima to understand and accept the situation.  One of our team would always be beside him in the session to reassure him that "Mama is just next door.  She's having a chat and she will come back as soon as she's finished".  

Dima gradually started to calm down and to trust our team.  With his stress at a manageable level, he could at last start to notice the other children.  He started to play alone, but making more eye contact with those around him and responding if people tried to talk to him.  With more careful support, he started to play with other children.

In the picture his playing cafes with his brother and sister.  An adult is with them to help the play along.  In this situation we provide a commentary for what is happening.  "Look, Misha is serving you, Dima.  He has made you some vegetables.  Thank you, Misha!"  By showing them how to play, we can broaden the range of role-playing games they understand and teach them skills such as turn-taking.  Without this careful work to reduce Dima's anxiety and teach him some basic social skills, Dima would not be in a state to cope with the school environment when the time comes, let alone to learn.

This small success with Dima has also helped his mama feel calmer and trust us.  She can now have some time just for her in the adult group therapy session.  Without having to worry about what is going on next door with her son, she can have the space to get to know our team and the other parents, to reflect and to grow.

Thank you all for your donations which have made this vital work possible.