Parenting skills for 30 orphanage-leavers

Many of our parents become confident handling the needs of their pre-school children.  Then their children reach the next stage in life, and with that a whole new set of needs.  At this point stress can re-enter the relationship and parents need some help to navigate their new world.  This is why we set up a group for parents who grew up in orphanages who have 7-12 year old children.

This year our theme has been health in the broadest sense.  We haven't just provided information, but have also helped families develop the very basic skills which underpin healthy choices.  For example, we have been thinking about tuning into our bodies, and also about cause and effect.  Believe it or not, but it is real progress to hear a child say, "I'm getting cold.  Wait a minute, I'll just get my jumper." 

As well as tuning into their bodies, the children are also turning into their feelings, learning to recognise when they have negative emotions, and working out what a healthy response might be.  Many of the children find socialising at school difficult.  One lad said, "I didn't want to fight.  I just didn't understand what he wanted.  I forgot to ask."

As part of our theme we took our families on a visit to the Museum of Health.  The children are growing up with some already showing the first signs of puberty.  This has made many of the parents anxious, and they were asking us how they could talk to their children about it.  At the museum the children and parents had separate sessions with doctors.  The children were told how their bodies would be changing and were able to discuss what it would mean for them, and how they felt about it.  The parents were able to ask all the questions which had been worrying them.  Our aim was to open up a conversation in our families and we succeeded.  One girl told us that she had been looking to the internet for information.  Now she was going to talk to her mum about it.  One mother said, "Before the whole subject of changing bodies was a closed one for my daughter.  She is much less anxious about it now and has been able to talk to me about it."

Our parents are beginning to understand the new stage their children are at.  They can see the growing need for independence, but also the continuing need for closeness.  Above all, parents and children are improving their communication, laying the foundations for happier teenage years.

We are very grateful to everyone who has continued to support us.  The need is as great as ever, but there are new difficulties for charities serving their communities.  We are fortunate now that we do have legal routes for transferring donations to Russia in spite of sanctions.  These have been approved by the UK Charity Commission.  There are some restrictions which mean that we are not always able to transfer donations as quickly as before, but rest assured, all your generous gifts do get through and help us continue to support our families.  Thank you!

Is it too late to say Happy New Year to you, our wonderful supporters.  We wish you all good health, and the assurance that your generosity is bringing warmth and joy to our families.

This last term has been very difficult for us.  The international sanctions against Russia made it impossible to transfer your donations for a while.  In addition, we weren't able to access our bank account for some time following the death of Elena, our director.  Astonishingly, our wonderful team has continued our project, working without pay.  We are relieved to be able to announce that before the holidays we were able to confirm a safe and legal route for donations, approved by the UK's Charity Commission.  We will now be able to put your donations to good use with no more delays, repay our staff and plan our work going forward.

However, not only have we continued our work, we have expanded it.  With the help of the Timchenko Foundation, we trained 8 local staff and supported them to set up groups in Vsevolozhsk, a satelite town of St Petersburg.  In July we recruited families.  We expected to have ten families, but in fact 19 joined us.  Our staff ran the groups alongside the local staff, which was an excellent way of training them. 

The newly trained staff, were very enthusiastic about the joint project.  One said, "Even in such a short time, I could see the family dynamics changing.  I really liked the Theraplay method and hope to study it more deeply and to use it.  I don't want to lose all that Sunflower have taught me."  With our many years of experience, we have a throroughly tested programme for supporting parents who grew up in orphanages and their children.  We were confident to hand over this programme, with training, for the new groups to use or adapt as they needed.  

Back in St Petersburg, we have also recently celebrated one of our traditional festivals.  You may not realise, but in Russia we celebrate two new years (this is a remnant of the old calendar we used to follow).  So on 14th January we celebrate Old New Year.  We have a very particular tradition that we share with our families at this time.  We have a little party and everyone brings in toys and books that their children have grown out of, or no longer want.  We gift these to each other.  We give new life to unwanted things, and our families are able to give gifts to each other without spending a penny.

Thank you everyone for all your support.  Check out the link for a video of our New Year party at Vsevolozhska.

Links:

• A lovely video of our New Year party at Vsevolozhska