Protection of missing children

When Suzana first called us, we were not sure if we could help her. Her niece, Olivera, had troubles at school. She is 11 years old and she is in the fifth grade. Olivera has three lowest grades from different subjects, reprimand of the class teacher and many unattended classes without due justification. Also, she often threats that she would quit school and run away from home.

During a few phone calls with Suzana, we realized that there is an obvious reason explaining this kind of behavior. Olivera went through a very difficult transitional period over the last few months and in all that time everyone did what they thought “it is the best for her“, but no one really asked her what were her wishes, her needs.

Olivera’s parents divorced recently and since then she lived with her dad, Marko. Meanwhile, her mom re-married and had a baby. Three months ago, Marko had to go to work abroad since he lost his job in Serbia, so Olivera went to live with her mother and her new family. Additionally, she changed school, so everything was new and unfamiliar to her. She did not fit into her new class, she did not make any friends and she started to skip school. Her classmates bullied her, she could not keep up with class readings and she had not had whom to ask for help. Her teacher did not seem to care is there a bigger problem that is bothering Olivera, so she just kept giving her bad grades as a „learning lesson“.

We suggested Suzana that as a first step she should talk to Olivera, sincerely and without criticizing her. Instead, she should just ask her what seems to be wrong and offer her help. Also, we pointed out how important is to trust Olivera and support her.

As soon as they started communicating, and treating Olivera’s problems with due seriousness and respect, things proved to be quite clear. Olivera explained how the current situation is quite difficult for her – her father is away, she does not have her old bedroom, she is feeling like a stranger in her mother’s new home and the workload at school is hard to keep up with. Secondly, we supported Suzana in her idea of a joint visit of Olivera, her mother and herself to the teachers in order to ask for support. Additionally, as a sort of a „midterm solution“, we connected them with an organization who are specialized in providing support to children and their parents.

Currently, Olivera regularly attends school and she studies on a daily bases with the help of her aunt, as well as with those of her mom and her teachers. Now when she talks about her mom’s new family she considers herself as being a part of it. She still misses her dad and cannot wait for him to get back from abroad.

Of course, this family, has a lot of work to do, but, for all those stories who are similar with this one, the key message is: do not forget to ask your kids how they are feeling what is it that you could do in order to help them?