Survivors of violence that support victims

Testimonies of mothers, fathers and caregivers of girls, boys and adolescents victims of sexual violence.

“Attending the support group was a rewarding experience for me. At the beginning I felt ashamed to face what happened in my family in front of other people, while the workshop was going on I calmed down my mind and heart, in the end I felt that there are people who went through similar times and got ahead, that it is not easy and they are succeeding . It inspired me to continue my own processes and that of my family, to seek the reconstruction of our lives. To understand that what I am doing is right, that I start doing justifiable for myself and my family.”

"For me, attending the support group was very enriching. I had the opportunity to learn about common problems and share mine, which allowed me to understand how much progress I had made in my process, for which I am deeply grateful to Fundación Idea Dignidad. To get here I went through two psychologists. Meeting such professional people in this Foundation has allowed me to free myself from the stereotypes to which I lived tied for more than three decades, contradicting my feminist principles. Today I am a very happy person, authentic and consistent with my principles, I feel that I have freed myself from a heavy burden that did not let me walk. Thank you very much for your professionalism and dedication and above all for your commitment to women who have suffered violence.".

The support group for mothers, fathers and caregivers of children and adolescents who are victims of sexual violence was created so that mothers, fathers and caregivers of children and adolescents who have been victims of sexual violence can have a collective space for listening and containment to strengthen tools and recover emotional well-being.

A total of 21 people attended the process and it consisted of 4 sessions:

• First session: A psychosocial diagnosis was made to identify the topics of interest to the group of mothers, fathers and caregivers. The importance of working on guilt and justice was identified.

• Second session “Guilt”: The objective was to address the guilt that falls on mothers, fathers and caregivers, due to social mandates when it is considered that "they did not take good care of their sons and daughters". Rape culture worked.

• Third session “Justice”: The objective was to identify the various forms of justice not limited to the legal in order to recognize themselves as active agents of justice.

• Fourth session “Self-care”: The objective was to address the importance of care for caregivers and learn self-care tools. This session was open to the general public.

The death of María Belén at the hands of her partner (a State agent), that of a girl only 8 months old whom her father, also a policeman, ordered to be killed in April in order not to pay her alimony or the aggression by another agent against a woman on the Vinces boardwalk a few days ago before the passive gaze of people, they are just the tip of the iceberg of violence against women, a serious problem that requires bold and comprehensive responses for which neither the State nor society are prepared.

The debate on whether the State is responsible for these deaths is on the table and for this reason, Idea Dignidad feels the need to provide information that helps people understand that this is a human rights and public health problem.

We focus on three aspects: femicide from the legal point of view, from the psychosocial point of view and on the role of the media.

What do we need to understand?

• Gender-based violence is not a minor issue but the basis of almost all violence that exists.
• Gender violence is rejected in speeches, but naturalized in everyday life and those who question it are branded as exaggerated or destabilizing. On the other hand, the aggressors are not singled out or questioned.
• All gender-based violence begins with subtle, almost imperceptible violence that is naturalized in jokes, in double meaning attitudes or comments, in making women sexual objects, etc.
• This violence is increasing until it becomes so serious that it is very difficult to reverse its consequences.
• When violence is exercised by persons invested with State power (police, public servants, teachers, medical personnel, etc.), there is a double responsibility: criminal and that of the State, because its main function is to protect rights, not violate them.
• Only the most serious cases come to light and almost never the focus is on questioning the aggressor and his behaviour.
• The laws that punish gender violence are ineffective if they are not accompanied by cultural changes.
• These changes are the responsibility of both the State and society as a whole: we need education for equality in all spaces: families, schools, universities, communities, institutions, companies...
• The empowerment of girls and women is insufficient if men are not taught new masculinities from childhood free from the abuse of power.
• There are no public policies in Ecuador that address gender violence and consider these and all the factors involved. It is the responsibility of the State to create and sustain them and of society to demand them and monitor their compliance.

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