Widowhood in Nepal

Project Report | May 17, 2024
"Early Marriage, Motherhood, Adversity and B-E-F"

By Surendra Pariyar | Co-founder & Project Leader

Family of the Month: April 2024

Narrative;

(Widow)'s early years were defined by the harsh reality of rural life where she was born into a poor family of hardworking farmers. Growing up, it was all about survival and toiling from morning until night to get enough rice on the table to feed six mouths. The oldest of four siblings, she had to leave school after grade two, leaving her literally Illiterate. At the tender age of eight she had to take care of her younger sister and brothers and the household chores. She had no choice and this little girl shouldered all responsibilities without questions or pause.

At the age of 14, (Widow)'s life took an unexpected romantic turn when she crossed paths with her future husband, a 21-year-old tractor driver from a neighbouring village. Despite the significant age gap, their hearts found solace in each other's company, blossoming into a deep and enduring love that culminated in marriage. By 16, (Widow) gave birth to her daughter 1 and 18 months later her second daughter.

However, even amidst the joys of motherhood, (Widow)'s days were filled with the relentless duties of managing household chores, caring for her children, and tending to her dominating and unsympathetic in-laws.

Her Husband, the sole provider for their family, toiled tirelessly to ensure their well-being.

Tragically, their world was shattered when he fell gravely ill, diagnosed with kidney failure. (Widow) made frantic and tireless efforts to seek medical assistance, but once their savings were gone and medical treatment and medicine were no longer affordable her husband died at the tender age of 23, leaving her widowed and bereft of the sole bread earner.

The funeral rituals were hardly over, (Widow) and her two daughters found herself cast adrift, as her in-laws rudely and cruelly kicked them out of the house leaving them without a home or support system.

This is a faith that thousands of widows with dependent daughters in Nepal are facing and it is precisely for this reason that "BEF" was established, and this with the declared objective to support and protect such vulnerable individuals and thus prevent worst forms of abuse and exploitation. Left alone with the feeling of confusion and terror she was facing the daunting responsibilities of single motherhood.

(Widow) turned to manual labour in the fields, living in a makeshift shanty striving to provide for their most basic needs, let alone education or healthcare. Moved by her plight, a community worker brought her story to our attention. Through our Educare Family program, we have pledged to extend a lifeline of hope to (Widow) and her daughters, offering them the opportunity to rebuild their lives with dignity and resilience.

On behalf of (Widow), her family, and the countless others who seek solace and support, we extend our deepest gratitude for your kindness and compassion. Together, we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of those who need it most.

With your generous support and our intervention, (Widow) and her daughters will reclaim their sense of hope and purpose, illuminating the path forward for countless other single mothers in need of assistance.

This is indeed more than just a story - it's a testament to the power of empathy, resilience & collective action.

It's simple, it’s simply B-E-F!!

Surendra, Raymond & TEAM

Bahini Educare Foundation

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Jan 31, 2024
Empowered & Self Sufficient 'A Success Story'

By Surendra Pariyar | Co-founder & Project Leader

The children, all doing well

Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy)- Family: Empowered, independent & self-sufficient.

Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy) Baral, 41 years old: Mother
Chhori(Name changed for Privacy), 19 years old: Daughter
Chhori II (Name changed for Privacy), 17 years old: Daughter
Chhora (Name changed for Privacy), 13 years old: Son

This family will be independent as from March 2024.

Narrative:
Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy), the third child in her family, had a challenging childhood in a poor yet close-knit home. At the tender age of 15, her parents orchestrated her marriage to a man, 22-year-old working in a meat processing factory. Together, they built a life, raising two daughters and a son while managing the difficult ups and downs of the rural working-class people.

Their humble existence was shattered in the year 2016, when tragedy struck, claiming the husband’s life in a tragic tractor accident. Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy), then 33, found herself thrust into the role of a widow, burdened with the responsibility of nurturing her children. The eldest daughter was 11, the younger one was 9, and the son, a mere 5 years old.

In the face of this adversity, BEF stepped in, admitting Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy) and her children as one of their Educare-Families. Over the span of six years under BEF's empathetic guidance, Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy) family underwent a profound metamorphosis. Basic needs were not just met; hope, health, and spirit were restored, fostering a renewed determination to face life's challenges with resilience and courage.

Supported and encouraged by BEF, Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy) found a job as a cook in a local school, anchoring the family's financial stability. Both the daughters have blossomed into young confident girls. They have finished their high schools and are working and contributing to the family's prosperity. One of them works as a primary teacher while the other works in a departmental store. The youngest boy, at 13, continues his education with the help of a scholarship, studying Sanskrit, aiming to be a priest —a choice laden with promising opportunities.

Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy)'s tenacity became the catalyst for a remarkable turn of events inspired and empowered by BEF. The family, once acquainted with hunger, rags, and desperation, now stands tall in a life characterized by confidence and self-respect.

The process of independence started in December 2023 and Single Mother (Name changed for Privacy) and her family are now ready for a life of independency and self-sufficiency. The whole family is upbeat and grateful and they thanked us profoundly for the six years of ‘family support’, love, care and empowerment. Once marginalized, excluded and desperate, they have now become confident, responsible and ambitious members of their community.

This success story stands as a poignant testament to the transformative power of the sustained support, compassion and empowerment by BEF.

Let us all rejoice in the amazing impact our common efforts are having in the lives of the most vulnerable in Nepal. Sustainability and self-sufficiency is our ultimate goal.

It’s simple, it’s simply B-E-F!

Sincerely yours,

Surendra, Raymond & TEAM

Bahini Educare Foundation

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Oct 4, 2023
Single Woman & her fight for survival

By Surendra Pariyar | Co-founder & Project Leader

Single woman (name removed for privacy) Family

BENEFICIARIES:
Single mother: Single woman (name removed for privacy), Aged 34

Daughters: 1st daughter, 10 years old daughter
2nd daughter, 7 years old daughter
3rd daughter, 4 years old daughter

The narrative:
Single woman (name removed for privacy)’s life is a proof of courage and resilience that is illuminating the hardship faced by underprivileged single mothers and the determination they possess to overcome the even most atrocious situations and this for the sake of their children!

Born and raised to poor, landless parents in a small village nestled amidst the rough landscapes of Parbat district, Single woman (name removed for privacy)’s childhood was beset with a lack of everything that makes a happy childhood. Food shortage and inadequate clothing made hunger and cold a hateful companion.

As the harsh reality of these undesired girls has it, she had to work from the tender age of five and obey to the iron rules that govern these remote parts of Nepal, where everything is about bare survival; survival of the toughest!

Single woman (name removed for privacy)’s childhood ended at the age of five and from this day she never cried again; tears don’t flow from this level of existence where emotions of self-pity are petrified.

When time came to join the school, Single woman (name removed for privacy) got up at five in the morning to do her household chores and at eight she would walk almost two hours to the distant school and this during the cold winter and the scorching heat of the summer, and this barefoot and all too often on an empty stomach.

After finishing class five her parents forced her to leave the school and she had to work day in, day out, from morning to night to add to the family’s meager income.

When Single woman (name removed for privacy) reached the age of twenty, a tractor driver who plowed the fields where she was laboring became attracted to this pretty young woman.

The next day he stopped by, climbed down from his tractor, looked into Single woman (name removed for privacy)’s eyes and asked her if she would marry him. He was a strong young man and he promised her a better and happier life. Without much reflection Single woman (name removed for privacy) just said “thik chha” (the meaning of this can be translated as: it’s ok, or alright). After all, what did she have to lose!

Since the young couple belonged to different casts and social status, her parents didn’t agree and Single woman (name removed for privacy) decided to run away and seek her luck with this 22-year-old man. They married and moved to her husband’s family. For Single woman (name removed for privacy) her quality of life improved since Mekh provided a regular income but her relationship with the unsympathetic and dominating in-laws remained difficult.

In the coming years Single woman (name removed for privacy) gave birth to three beautiful daughters and the caring and loving mother gave her best for her daughters to have a happy childhood.

In the year 2020 her husband suddenly fell seriously ill! He was rushed to the nearest regional Hospital and received medical treatments, but a few days later he succumbed to his undiagnosed disease. Bereaved Single woman (name removed for privacy) was devastated and filled with despair, but she couldn’t cry, tears don’t flow from a place of deepest anguish.

In Nepal, young widows are socially stigmatized and ostracized and no matter what caused the death of their husbands, they are made responsible for his demise. It is for this reason that the suicide rate by young widows is alarmingly high in Nepal.

From this day her in-law’s treated Single woman (name removed for privacy) and her daughters with hostility and outright hatred. They were abusive, refused to share the food with them and they made life hell for Single woman (name removed for privacy) and her daughters and this with the crude intention to drive them out of their house.

When the situation became unbearable, Single woman (name removed for privacy), who has the heart of a lioness decided to leave and seek her luck in Pokhara, the nearest city. With no one to turn to for help and no place to go she ended up in Pokhara’s biggest slum. In spite of all the odds they were facing and with unbending courage and fighting-spirit, she managed to survive with her three daughters aged 4, 7, and 10. However, it was barely survival in an environment of misery, despair and imminent danger.

When “BEF” was conducting a “Women’s right and legal awareness program” in this slum, and this on the occasion of “Women’s-Day” she contacted us and an application was filed.

After assessment of her situation and the urgency of this case, “BEF” decided to support this family without much delay.

As from the month of June this family is under our wings and we are providing them with everything that is necessary for a life in safety and in dignity. Most importantly all her daughters are going to school while Single woman (name removed for privacy) is working.

For them our support is a quantum-leap in their evolution. Coming from the lowest rung of the social ladder, from now we are going to uplift them and support them in climbing this ladder step by step to a life without suppression and discrimination.

This is vision in action as we apply it, this is prevention of worst forms of abuse and discrimination; this is sustainability in the truest sense.

A heartfelt thank you to all of you: our partners who are standing by our side and let us all bear in mind that thousands more such families are in dire need of help.

It’s simple, It’s simply BEF

Sincerely yours,
Surendra, Raymond & TEAM

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