Protect Them B4 Abuse Begins: Students ages 5-17

Tomorrow, May 13  is Global Giving matching day. It starts at 9.00 am until midnight. Read this real story and you will realize how important it is to educate children about sexual abuse. Mary's life was totally changed because of one sexual abuse incident that happened to her from another child.

Donate to abolish sexual abuse in Egypt go to  http://goto.gg/19978

Here is Mary's story:

I was born and raised in Egypt. I grew up in a conservative Christian home and a society that always spoke to me that love is taboo. Both of my parents were highly educated and accomplished working professionals. We were a simple middle class family. My mother was a doctor and very smart at what she does. My father was a pastor and a professor. I grew up in the church. I learned a lot about the Bible. As a small child (around ages (3-5) my family and I moved to the United States where my father was continuing his higher education. As a child I loved going to preschool everyday. I enjoyed my freedom of self expression in the way I dressed and being able to be who I am. At home, I remember my mother always being distant and not present. I never really knew where she was. My father was always in and out doing church work. When he was home, we would have pleasant interactions. My older sister was the one who was always around and always took care of me. My older brother and I were buddies. We played and joked together. Life was good overall with several very memorable emotionally painful experiences of feeling neglected and rejected. When I was 5 years old, it was time for us to move back to Egypt. I remember that being a very stressful event in my life. I liked my life and I did not want to abandon it. I also didn't know where in the world I was going.

In Egypt, as I became older I started witnessing my mother act verbally and physically violent, especially towards my sister and my father. My mother would behave in insane ways. It was very shaming and embarrassing. When I was around 6 years old, my mother went away to work abroad for four years which was a relief. She would visit us once a year when she was on vacation from her job. Her visits were stressful to all of us. Again, while my mom was away, my father was always in and out of the home and we would have pleasant interactions when he was home. My sister continued to care after me. My mother finally moved back when I was about 10 years old.When my mother moved back, it was a nightmare. Her behaviors were worse and the violence and abuse continued. Eventually my father reached out for help from counselors and mental health professionals and a decision was made that it is important  for my mother to be referred to a residential treatment for mental health. While we all loved the idea because my mother needed it and it meant that she would be away again, it was so difficult to live with it in the Egyptian society which completely stigmatizes the mentally ill and their family. My mom was taken in for treatment for a month. She was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and given medication. My mother took the medication, but the medication was not right for her. It turned her into a complete zombie. I remember at age 11 or 12 strongly advocating that my mother must stop taking her medication. Clearly it was not right for her. The medication did take away my mother's behaviors and it also made her appear as a dead person walking. My mother stopped the medication and started behaving in a very abusive manner once again. While others in the home always reacted to her abuse, I always observed everything. The only time I would react is when things would get ugly and I had to intervene and come to the rescue. I am now 36 years old and my mother continues to live a very mentally ill life and its very sad to say the least. I never grew up in a safe home and going home to her was and still is always a heavy burden!

While being the daughter of a mentally ill parent who is very abusive and living in a society that completely ostracizes the mentally ill and their family, it was very stressful for me to exist on the planet. But this was not the only stress I had to live with. When I was 9 years old, something else took place in my life that took my life down a very lonely, shameful, conflicting, and ill road. While playing hide and seek after church one day with all the other kids, a boy I knew who was two years younger than me asked me to follow him. First I thought we were going to a good hiding spot, but he continued to walk to the very back dark side of the church. I became curious. By then I knew if we hid there no one would ever find us. I continued to follow him and follow his request to just follow him. I curiously asked him where we were going. He calmly said to just follow him. To me, it was all innocent. We finally arrived to the dark back side of the church where there were two little kid seats side by side. He calmly asked me to sit down. I sat down. He sat down next to me. He proceeded to lift my skirt, removed my tights and underwear just enough to slip his hand in my private area, and began to fondle my vagina. FROZEN, I was in complete shock and confusion!!!!! I did not understand what was going on. I felt extremely invaded. All I've been taught started rushing through my head; love is taboo, touching boys is taboo,etc... I knew nothing about sex or sexual behavior. I knew what he was doing was wrong. It felt very invasive, imposing, embarrassing and completely violating. I didn't know what to do. Thoughts began rushing through my head. I began thinking of my sister and my dad and what they would say or do if I told them. Guilty, guilty, guilty, you are guilty. You are a part of this. That is all I could hear them saying. I strongly believed no one would defend me and that I would actually ruin my family's future and bring total disgrace and dishonor to them and myself. I decided in my little brain that this never happened. I swallowed it and put it away, far far away. I said to myself, this never happened. I don't know how much time had passed but I quickly stopped the thoughts rushing through my brain and I calmly told the boy that he should stop now. He did. I fixed my clothes and proceeded to walk back to the front of the church and the boy followed me. Walking back felt very awkward and my life was never the same again. What started as a pure hide and seek game turned into a life long risky and challenging path. First I thought I was different because of being a child of a mentally ill parent but now I knew I was really different. My exposures have lead me to live in a world all on my own. While as a nine year old, I told myself that this never happened, shoved it ALL AWAY, and that I will carry on living, unfortunately that's not what my physical body said.....

I never put two and two together until I became much older and looked back at what had happened to me, but shortly after I was violated, my physical body became highly sexually reactive. I was very confused about what was happening to my body. I never once thought that it had anything to do with how I was violated and how that activated my body sexually and very early on in my life at an inappropriate age. I began masturbating heavily. I had so many questions about sex and had no one to ask. There was no internet back then so I couldn't do my research. All I had was an encyclopedia and I tore it apart searching for the word sex and what that really meant. The answers were never enough. I masturbated till I was about 11 or 12 years old and that became very boring and dissatisfying. I started thinking that I would like another boy to touch me, but my urge was not to be touched in my vagina. I began intentionally yet innocently testing other boys' limits while on play dates to see if they would touch me, but I quickly got the message that they won't. I even would suggest playing sexual games with dolls when I was with my female friends and they looked at me funny and would feel uncomfortable. I really had no idea what was going on with me. I was simply reacting. My mind was sexually infested and I was naturally trying hard to release what's in my brain and my body because it was overwhelming. When I saw that my friends would not feed into my testing behaviors, especially because I was raised in a very conservative/taboo like culture where there was no sex talks and education, I eventually stopped trying. It all became boring. By now I was a full on teenager. From ages 13 to 17 I lost interest in sexually acting out and I became interested in having crushes. I always lived in my own world and never shared that part of me with anyone. I began talking to boys secretly on the phone or simply meeting with them in public yet hidden places just to talk. I was longing for a meaningful and deep relationship with them. In fact I am 36 and I still am but it hasn't happened yet. To back track, as a teen,  I never had those meaningful relationships I was interested in...

I never had any meaningful relationships anywhere, my life consisted of going to school, going to church, and going home. Summer's were fun because I went to camp. I never did well at school. Many times I didn't understand my homework and didn't do it. I could never focus at school and I never realized that I wasn't focused until I was kicked out of class, called in to the principal's office, or suspended. I always hung out with the 'bad' kids. I could never relate to the kids who were well put together. I was unintentionally rebellious. I loved going to school to stay away from home. At church I was goody two shoes who went to service regularly and dressed conservatively. I had no meaningful friends. I was always the odd man out and I was always popular. I learned so much about God at church. Now that I am older I realize that I learned many true as well as many false things about God. In any case, I always believed that God exists and as a child who never had anyone safe to go to in my many troublesome days, I would automatically go to God in prayer and ask Him to rescue me. My 'bad' friends and I always noticed that some how I miraculously got out of trouble safely. Now that I am older I realize that it was God's hand that always protected me and that God was actually listening to my prayers and actually answered my prayers. In fact, a prayer I always prayed to God was to move back to America. I knew that in America I could express myself freely and that I would have a chance at a better life free from abuse and harm.  Acquiring permission to move to America legally is very difficult and many times impossible.

At 17, God answered my prayer, that was the first time I actually began to notice that God answers prayers. At age 17, my family and I had the opportunity to move to the United States. I was so excited to leave Egypt the land of abuse, taboos, and stigma behind and go back to the United States the land where I am free to express myself. My family moved in increments. Moving was exciting yet an even more challenging experience and very new of its kind. When I first moved to the States I lived with my brother and my mother. My mother continued to be abusive and my brother shortly after moved out. I continued to live with my abusive mother for 15 years. I was in a bond. My mother paid my rent and my rent only. At 17 I had to figure out all my living expenses on my own. It was never easy to move out from my mother's house. I was on a mission to find work so I can eat and survive. I enrolled in college. I always barely had money to pay for my school and other living expenses. Again, I loved being out of the home. My day consisted of long hours of working and going to college. Going home was to sleep, shower, and hear my mother's abusive language. I was very lonely. I began my journey of exploring the variety of cultures in the very diverse and busy city I lived in. I began exploring who my friends will be. I always thought I was ugly looking. After moving to America, I noticed that many guys were attracted to my appearance. I didn't understand why. I once stared at the mirror for a long time to try to see what they see and finally I did. I realized that I was very attractive. I also realized that I had very low self esteem and no confidence in my self. I always had jobs that forced me to have high self esteem and self confidence and I was able to grow tremendously in those areas. Again, I am 36 now and I am barely realizing that I've known what having self esteem is for the most part but I realize now that I have very little self worth. The evidence is that since I was 17 until now I still give away my dignity to men that like me and that I like back. This is a very shameful and embarrassing part of my life. While I had stopped sexual behaviors in Egypt at about age 13, they came back to haunt me in America at age 17 and they came back even worse. This is how my cycle goes... a man shows interest in me. If I am interested in him and I am especially attracted to how he pays attention to me, I date him. He touches me and all of a sudden we become sexual and then I eventually get left behind. This cycle has repeated itself shamefully enough times. I have no self worth...I must learn now how to have self worth. It is not easy but I will learn because this can not continue. I have so much more to offer and I am not going to let the hand I was dealt control my life...

In college, it was hard to choose a major. I always wanted to be a singer, a dancer, or an athlete. In my family and society, these were all not options for me. The only other thing I was interested in pursuing as a career was something having to do with helping children. I didn't want to become a teacher. In college, I majored in Child Development. One day while in my Child Abuse class, the professor was talking about the different kinds of abusers. She said abusers could be men, women, seniors, and even children. Abusers could be of a wide variety of ages. When she said that abusers could be even children, it was like I had an awakening from this long trance. I was now 22 and I realized for the first time that as a child, I was sexually abused by another child. All along I thought I played a part in what happened to me. When I graduated with my Bachelor's I pursued counseling jobs. I found myself counseling at a residential treatment for mental health for youth on probation. Ironically enough I quickly was promoted to supervise the juvenile sex offender unit. I began learning more and more about sexual abuse and especially abusers. I learned that most sexual abusers have been themselves abused sexually. I began pursuing my graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I also began going to therapy to figure out who I am, why I am the way I am, and why my mother is the way she is. I have learned so much so far. After I graduated with a  Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, I hit a big wall. I realized even more that God exists and that God's way is the only way to recovery. In college I learned about many theories. The ones I thought worked were in alignment with God's way and the ones I found to not work at all, ironically, were not aligned with God's way at all. By age 30, I had heard and learned so much about God. I never really understood what it means to have a relationship with God, especially because he was invisible and I couldn't touch him. Many times I really needed hugs and kisses from God and the fact that I couldn't have that made it hard for me to have a relationship with him. In any case. I prayed to God and this is how my very sincere prayer went. God: I know you are alive and that your word is true. I don't understand what my purpose here on Earth is. Please show me my purpose or take my life now..... I'm not suicidal but I always felt that there is no reason for me to exist!! Two days later, I was invited to a Bible talk and the topic of discussion was 'The word of God'. I began challenging the speakers about how the word of God is true yet I've yet to see a true church fellowship out there. That was the beginning of my road to recovery. God introduced me to a woman who helped me understand what it means to h

Links:

• Not Guilty website